A Drifter Finds Home

Five years ago, I led my family away from God's will. I was going through a crisis of belief--not knowing who I was or what I was supposed to be doing--and I took us down a road we should not have taken. Not a day went by over our five year journey that I didn't struggle with regret over the decision to leave our church and friends in Des Moines, Iowa in search of something only God could satisfy.

But God is gracious and good. Through the tragic death of my friend Jamie Walker (see blog entry for October 3, 2006) I was able to return to our church and friends in Iowa for the first time since we left on February 27, 2001. While in Des Moines for the funeral, I reconnected with some very special friends. I shared my regret and found forgiveness and understanding. I also found peace from God.

Many don't get the chance to "click their heels" and go back home. Instead they have to deal with the regrets of wrong turns made in the past as they continue through the desert. Getting to go back was, as one friend said, "like a miracle." Unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding my return related to the funeral of my friend.

Another friend related my last five years to a "wilderness experience" (like the 40 years of wandering by the Israelites in the books of Numbers and Deuteronomy). The peace I now have about who I am and what I am to do by faith in the future is much like finally being restored and being allowed to enter the "Promised Land." My response to my friend was that I wished I had gained this peace not from wandering in the desert but from the security of faithful obedience and patiently waiting on the Lord five years ago.

I have learned (and am learning) to wait in the silence of the Lord, as loud as that silence might seem, and not to move unless the Lord definitely leads me.

It may seem like "over the rainbow" is where you ought to go to find what you are looking for. But most likely, God has already blessed you with everything your heart desires in your own backyard. Be careful not to get sucked up in a cyclone of confusion because all you'll find yourself wanting is to get back home.

There's a saying, "Home is where the heart is." If you give your heart to God, in a relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ and empowered by His Holy Spirit, you will always be home. He promises to be with us always (Deuteronomy 31:6; Isaiah 41:10-13; Matthew 28:20). Therefore, if your heart is with God, and He is with you always, look to Him and Him alone for feelings of home, for "there's no place like home."

As I was writing this blog entry, I heard the following song playing in the background through the streaming audio of one of my favorite Christian radio stations: KZZQ. The timing of the words could not have been more perfect. Thanks God!

"Drifter" by DecembeRadio
I used to have a home
a place i started from
a place to call my own
bright lights and late nights
the devil took me on a midnight ride
left me out in the desert on my own
Now I feel alone
i need a hand to help me find my way back home

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home to get to you
oh to get to you lord i've been gone for far too long
headed to places i don't belong
and i've got to get back home to you

sometimes i think about the past
the road that i was on
the one that lead me home
i'll walk on another day
i may wonder but i never stray
cause i found out the hard way sin don't pay
Now I feel alone
i need a hand to help me find my way back home

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home to get to you
oh to get to you lord
i've been gone for far too long
headed to places i don't belong
and i've got to get back home to you

and when i feel the night is closing in
and i can barely breathe the air
i just remember that i've got a friend who really cares
oh who really cares

I'm a drifter out on a dead end road
trying to find my way back home to get to you
oh to get to you lord
i've been gone for far too long
headed to places i don't belong
and i've got to get back home to you

We Live

This past Friday afternoon, Jamie Walker, 20, who was one of the young men that I had in my youth ministry in Des Moines, was killed in a car accident. The Associated Press wrote the story about it here. Jamie was special to me. I could always count on him to participate in everything we did.

Together we shared the loss of our favorite golfer, Payne Stewart in 1999. At the time, I thought it was interesting that my former youth pastor, J. B. Collinsworth, had been a minister in Payne's life and spoke at the funeral. Soon thereafter, I reconnected with J. B. and shared how through that tragedy I was able to connect with Jamie. Now I will be attending Jamie's funeral.

He was a great kid and I believe he was becoming a great young man. I can only imagine what God is going to do through this loss.

I heard a song today by Superchick called "We Live." In light of the pain of the loss felt by all those who knew and loved Jamie, especially his mother, and in light of my post yesterday, I thought I would put the words of that song in my blog today.

"We Live" by Superchick on the Album Beauty From Pain:
There's a cross on the side of the road
Where a mother lost her son
How could she know that the morning he left
Would be the last time she'd trade with him for a little more time
(so she could say she loved him one last time)
And hold him tight
But with life we never know when we're coming up to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

There's a man who waits for the tests to
See if the cancer had spread yet
And now he asks why did I wait to live 'til it was time to die
If I could have the time back, how I'd live
Life is such a gift
So how does the story end?
Well, this is your story and it all depends
So don't let it become true
Get out and do what we were meant to do

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day
Is a gift somehow, someway
And get our heads up out of this darkness
And spark this new mindset and start on with life cuz it ain't gone yet
And tragedy's a reminder to take off the blinders and wake up (to live the life)
We're supposed to take up (moving forward)
With all our heads up
Cuz life is worth living

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

I pray you will live the life God has given you, loving Him with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul and all your strength. God loves you som much and wants to have a relationship with you (Romans 5:8). That's why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die a tragic death on the cross for you. But by God's power, Jesus was raised to live so that we can have life in Him empowered by His Holy Spirit. Ask God to give you this new life He offers through Jesus in exchange for the sinful, dead one (Romans 6:23; 2 Corinthians 5:17). God will forgive you of your sins if you confess them to Him (1 John 1:9). And you can live that new life He gives you by the power of the Holy Spirit, which is a downpayment for you for what you will receive in Heaven someday (Ephesians 1:13-14).

In God, through Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit, we live. Are you really living? Live life now for God while you have breath.

Ministry From Strangers

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

Hebrews 13:2 NIV

Let me tell you about a man I met today. His name is Vidal. He is a 63 year old Navy Veteran of the Viet Nam War from New Mexico. He is camping nearby on his way to the VA hospital in Dallas for his regular treatments for prostate cancer. He stopped by the parsonage during lunch to ask for help in getting some gas. I helped him on behalf of the church, but he helped me in the name of Jesus Christ.

Just as I was whining today through my post-Sunday funk, where I sometimes doubt everything from my calling to doubting the moon-landing, the doorbell rang. He was a stranger that needed ministry but he ministered to me.

As we were standing at the gas pump just chatting, he started telling me his life story. Vidal's life has been so hard in the last few years with tragedy after tragedy coming to him and his extended family. Then he found out he had cancer.

The first doctor had told him the cancer had spread to the point that he had only 6 months to live. But the second doctor said, "Only God can knows when you will die. Take you treatments but don't listen to the doctors about how long you'll live. Put your faith in God because he is in control." That was over two years ago.

Then Vidal told me about when he gave his heart to Jesus Christ. It was about 10 years ago when he was taking care of his dying mother. Both of his parents had been Christians and tried to teach him and his siblings about the Lord, but he kept pushing Jesus away. One day, however, while a nurse was helping with his mother in the other room, he started watching a famous preacher on television. Vidal told me that he had heard this guy before and had some opinions about his ministry, but this day he heard the word of God and not the man. "Like lightning" is how Vidal described what happened when he gave his life to Jesus Christ. He knew his life was changed. As he described that day to me I could see tears pooling in his eyes becasue of the joy he had received that day.

Since then, through all his trials, Vidal has kept his faith even though he doesn't know how much longer he has. "God is in control," he said, "I just have to keep the faith no matter what."

Then he shook my hand, thanked me and blessed me. And I thanked him.

And as I got in the car and drove away, with tears in my eyes, I thanked God for Vidal. I have just got to keep the faith no matter what.